Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
