the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This house was built for laser tag.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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