We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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