I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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