So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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