I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
