I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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