Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize