hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize