i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize