It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Congratulations! We have a period
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
