considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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