what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
