wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
