I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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