ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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