im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
