the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
