It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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