We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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