Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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