The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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