and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
