community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
