she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
