2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
