we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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