dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize