see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
