I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
