You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
