Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
