you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
