I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
