he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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