yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
