Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
