she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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