I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize