he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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