Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
