.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
