So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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