There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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