dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
