Umm I'm too high to move.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
