Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
