just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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