I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
