Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize