I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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