When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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