bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
