you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
