I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
