so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
