WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize