The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
