So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
