I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
