you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
