You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
