Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
