Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
