Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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