I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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