dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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