I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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