Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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