Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
