C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
