You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
