A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This is not my ceiling
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
