omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
