Midget sex pt 2 tonight
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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