and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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