dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Houston, we have a blender
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Randomize