my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
