Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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