Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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